Who are you?

When I am away from my computer for a day or so and log back into Word Press, I go through all kinds of maneuvers to reach my blog. It’s a nutty situation and I have no idea how to fix it. Actually, after several years, its like having an old friend or acquaintance forget your name, face or both.

This past week on one of our too frequent trips to our local hospital where 99 percent of our medical needs receive attention these days, we got on an elevator with a woman who looked familiar to me. She had short red greying hair and very blue although rheumy eyes. As we were 10 steps from Dr. Gaspar’s office I figured she he had put those awful yellow drops into her eyes to test for Glaucoma and she couldn’t really see us. I said nothing. She looked at me and she said nothing. It was a nothing moment. 

She looked like David’s ex-wife, whom I have met on several occasions at weddings, funerals, etc. but whom I have not seen in a dozen years or so.  David said nothing.  I asked him later if that was N. on the elevator, but he said he didn’t see anyone on the elevator. So that’s how it goes, we are all becoming invisible.


Lately, I have been waking at 3:00 generally in pain and after I get up and apply Australian Dream Cream to my knees, slap on another Thermacare pad on my hip or back, and take a Tylenol, I go back to bed and lay there and fret. I fret about how short life is, how painful it is in the latter years, and how I wish David and I had met 20 years earlier than we did.  I wish he was the father of my children, but he is not. I wish all sorts of things, but then wishing doesn’t accomplish much, does it?

Mom used to say, “If wishes were fishes, we’d have some fried. If wishes were horses, we’d all have a ride.” 

That was usually after she said, “You want the world with a fence around it painted red.” I thought she was nuts when she said this, and had no idea what she meant. I would picture a globe with a fence around it dripping red paint, and wonder why anyone would want such a thing.

The better thing for me to do is remember to have an Attitude of Gratitude, and that when David stepped off that elevator he left with me and not the rheumy-eyed red-head.   


24 thoughts on “Who are you?

  1. Oh, your notes these last few days are delicious.
    Nope, I don’t know what to tell you about your bookmarks. Don’t move tho, you have fleets of friends that love you. Mine don’t really love sailing ships….but I forgive them.


  2. I know so well what you are saying. I wish, I wish, I wish . . . . .
    It never gets me anywhere and I am reluctantly forced to accept what is and try to be content.
    It’s not really so bad, but that doesn’t stop this ungrateful old moaner from complaining.

    I make damn sure I don’t become invisible by sheer force of personality. That really would be the final indignity!


  3. I came down with Shingles three weeks ago. The first week of very heavy meds was to, hopefully, arrest the disease but now I need to take an oxycodon and two motrin at least 4 times a day just to keep the pain level bearable. I have complained about the aches and pains of aging in the past but I swear I will never compalin about them again if I can just get through this !!


  4. Glad to see that mageb told you about the bookmarking. That’s what I do. I use Safari for my browser which allows me to have a bar across the top of my screen. I have certain places where I go each day listed there. Makes it easy to get in and out of those sites. My blog is one of them and then on the blog I have a blog roll that I usually use to find all of you.

    As for the middle of the night frights, I get up and read a story or look at pictures on my iPhone. I use that iPhone more than I use my computer, and it’s really handy in the dark, in the middle of the night. God is good to me.


  5. I enjoyed this post Dianne, I am traveling with Aleve as I find my knees seizing up after traveling and it takes me a while to work the kinks out. I am not able to go on my usual long treks this time but we are having fun with shorter ones.

    You and David are such neat people, I am so glad we all met and have Gigi to thank for that. Gregg and I enjoyed meeting you all tremendously.

    Hope you have a great week. Denise

    P.s. loved your mother’s saying!


  6. This is so weird. I tried several times to leave a comment and my keys wouldn’t work. I had to go to another blog, leave a comment and then come back to yours to try again. Strange. There’s a gremlin in my computer.

    Anyway, I was trying to say that when I’m in half sleep, my guard is down and that crazy part of me that is supposed to know these questions are not worth my time will start to niggle at me. Sigh… And yes, of course that attitude of gratitude is what we should always hold. But we’re human…

    I’m so sorry for your pain, Dianne. Nowadays when I feel really good, I have to stop and say, “Wow! I’ve got to be thankful that today I have no pain in my teeth, head, knees, back, shoulders, etc.”

    Granted, today my shoulders hurt.

    P.S. Yae for David!


  7. I am well aware of becoming invisible with age, but invisibility among and between fellow elders? I hadn’t been aware of that. I will have to be more aware of my own behavior. I can’t stand the thought that I might fail to acknowledge any individual’s existence.

    I am so sorry for your pain. I am fortunate that post-stroke pain and poor sleep are not regular occurrences for me. But when pain does visit, I am a big baby. And that is not the kind of youth that is good.


  8. Oh, I understand completely. I can make it through the day without Tylenol now. A first. It’s amazing that I have any kidneys or liver left at all. No knee pain at all…at last. Now I sometimes feel as if I have a large round lump in my hip, but it only bother’s me in the middle of the night. Last night I was able to roll over both ways comfortably for the first time. Yes, you were a far, far better choice than the rheumy eyed red head. 🙂

    Bookmark the Dashboard for this blog, and enter through there. Simplifies things. 🙂


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