When I am away from my computer for a day or so and log back into Word Press, I go through all kinds of maneuvers to reach my blog. It’s a nutty situation and I have no idea how to fix it. Actually, after several years, its like having an old friend or acquaintance forget your name, face or both.
This past week on one of our too frequent trips to our local hospital where 99 percent of our medical needs receive attention these days, we got on an elevator with a woman who looked familiar to me. She had short red greying hair and very blue although rheumy eyes. As we were 10 steps from Dr. Gaspar’s office I figured she he had put those awful yellow drops into her eyes to test for Glaucoma and she couldn’t really see us. I said nothing. She looked at me and she said nothing. It was a nothing moment.
She looked like David’s ex-wife, whom I have met on several occasions at weddings, funerals, etc. but whom I have not seen in a dozen years or so. David said nothing. I asked him later if that was N. on the elevator, but he said he didn’t see anyone on the elevator. So that’s how it goes, we are all becoming invisible.
Lately, I have been waking at 3:00 generally in pain and after I get up and apply Australian Dream Cream to my knees, slap on another Thermacare pad on my hip or back, and take a Tylenol, I go back to bed and lay there and fret. I fret about how short life is, how painful it is in the latter years, and how I wish David and I had met 20 years earlier than we did. I wish he was the father of my children, but he is not. I wish all sorts of things, but then wishing doesn’t accomplish much, does it?
Mom used to say, “If wishes were fishes, we’d have some fried. If wishes were horses, we’d all have a ride.”
That was usually after she said, “You want the world with a fence around it painted red.” I thought she was nuts when she said this, and had no idea what she meant. I would picture a globe with a fence around it dripping red paint, and wonder why anyone would want such a thing.
The better thing for me to do is remember to have an Attitude of Gratitude, and that when David stepped off that elevator he left with me and not the rheumy-eyed red-head.