“When you share a burden, you cut it in half. When you share a joy you double it.” ~old saying~
It took me years to understand this truth. Keeping things bottled up does no one good, sharing promotes an understanding.I live with a man who does not always keep me informed, nor does he always share his concerns. As men go, he is probably more open than most, Nevertheless, much of the time, I must dig out what he’s thinking and feeling.
When he does share, his idea is to wait until I am engaged elsewhere (like on the computer). Then he says something. He forgets I am old too, and not as able to do three things at once, as I was years ago.
Take an example from this week.
I’m working on the computer, dutifully entering my daily food intake into the weight watchers web site, and he announces,
“Julie wants to drive me to Ben Ritt’s funeral on Saturday.”
Now, I vaguely remember him mentioning the death of his old friend Ben Ritt, (whom I have never met in the 31 years I have known David), but I am curious as to why he wants to attend the funeral.
No sooner do I have this thought, but my cell phone rings. Julie is on the line.
“Dianne, I hate to disturb you, but Dad never answers his phone. I just want to know if he wants me to take him to Ben’s funeral this Saturday?
Okay, I’ll tell him when I hang up, I say.
BTW Thank you for the gifts and cookies you brought us at Christmas. I don’t suppose your Dad remembered to thank you?
No, but I don’t worry about stuff like that.
We say goodbye, after she reminds me six times to ask her Dad about Ben’s funeral arrangements.
So, I stop what I am doing, ask David why he hasn’t given Julie the land line phone number so she can reach him when he has his cell phone turned off (which is most of the time…he’s saving electricity he says). And, I ask David (who never goes to funerals) why he wants to attend this funeral.
“You know you will probably see Nancy” (David’s EX whom he allegedly detests).
“She won’t be there, Nancy and Ben’s wife hate each other,” he says.
“But isn’t she the one who gave Nancy all the advice about changing the locks on the house and taking you to the cleaners when you split?
“Yes, but they hate each other.”
“Apparently, Ben’s wife doesn’t like you either, and that’s who you will see at the funeral. Ben is gone.”
True, says David.
“Wasn’t Ben your pal when David died?” (David’s son who died at age 13).
“Yes they were at the funeral.”
David begins to tell me how Ben (age 83) had Alzheimer’s (according to the Washington Post obituary).
Do what you want, I suggest. But please let Julie know your plans. And give her the landline number.
Below a photo from Hannah showing the contents of the box of yarn I sent her.
Hi Grandma, This was a wonderful surprise! Beautiful colors too, I look forward to showing you the final product.Thank you!