Handy no more?

  After reading Kay’s tale of husband Art’s handyman efforts ( http://travelerswife.blogspot.com/ ),  I decided to share my handyman tale.  David was a great handyman in his day, but lately, I have been hiring other people to do repair work.      

“Have you seen my glasses” David shouts, although I am sitting five feet from him.

“Hanging around your neck” I tell him as he feels for his glasses.

I am sitting on the top step of the back porch, observing as he hangs the screen doors that will protect us…from mosquitos and flies.

“These are my computer glasses” he says, throwing them on the step where I am sitting.  Then he sits down beside me and takes a break (he has been working for five minutes).

English: Artone bluetooth loopset is a small w...

English: Artone bluetooth loopset is a small wireless hearing aid accessory utilizing 2.4 GHz wireless technology to connect to accessories like TV sound streamers and mobile phones. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I notice he is wearing the ‘cheap’ hearing aid. (He wears the less obtrusive one with expensive batteries when we go out.)

  This means everything I say sounds fuzzy, plus he can hear from only his left ear which always seems to face away from me. 

I carry his computer glasses into the house, stepping on his toe as I go.  Don’t you ever look down? he says. No, I reply. That’s why I fell off the porch into the planter, why I fell down the stairs and broke my rib, and why I am always stepping in dog stuff outside.

My BLUE TOE was just getting better, he mutters.

Did I step on the same one? I ask as I place his glasses on the kitchen table.

Have you seen my big C-clamp?

It’s hanging on the ladder. Do you want me to get your other glasses?

No.

Can you see what you are doing?

I can see just fine, where’s my hammer?

I hand him the hammer.

Hold this post! he commands as he screws the C-clamp around the post and roof beam supporting the new door. If he dropped the C-clamp it would fall in my face and break my nose.

SketchUp C-Clamp - Transparent

SketchUp C-Clamp – Transparent (Photo credit: Steven Combs)

With his new drill bit, he grinds and sprays sawdust in my face and hair. (He owns the best tools.)

Can I let go of the post? I shout.                                       

                                                                            —000— 

Wear safety shoes

(Photo credit: slambo_42)

Weeks later, the doors are hung and Herme the repairman has come and gone. We sit in the living room, David with his bruised foot propped on a stool.

Doctor L says I should buy a pair of steel-tipped shoes to protect my toe, he laughs. 

9 thoughts on “Handy no more?

  1. I breathed a heartfelt sigh of relief when Beloved gave up the DIY around the house. Things get done ever so much better and faster now that I have his tacit approval for calling in the professionals.

  2. Poor David. Ouch! I have to tell you our home renovation is still not done after almost 5 years. There are still no baseboards or quarter-rounds. I’ve threatened to just get a carpenter to come and finish the job, but he insists he’ll get around to it since it’s a retirement project.

  3. Lost my cell phone one day and as I don’t have a land line couldn’t call myself to find it. So I posted a message to a daughter on fb to call me ” can’t find my cell phone keep calling until I answer ” She found this very amusing..I did not.I guess I’ve limited my falls because I’m always looking down,every since I found money when I was I kid.

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